warning: a downer

Tonight after putting Molly down, I started looking at old pictures on the computer. I came across our engagement pictures and I was actually shocked by how young I look. Adam and I have only been married for about 2 1/2 years, however it might as well have been my senior portraits considering the difference between then and now. I remember my sister-in-law once remarked that she couldn't wait to turn 30 because then she would be as old as she really felt. She has 3 children. I couldn't understand it at the time, but now I totally get it. Its not just the new added work and responsibility of my little bebe, it is just life. I have come to the sad realization that the further I get into my life, the more work it becomes and the thought frankly depresses me. I suppose the paybacks get better too, Molly smiles etc. but man I do I feel old...

p.s. Aside from my elderly status, motherhood is getting better and better. I confess I kiss my baby's cheeks about a thousand times a day. I cannot stop, they are so soft and sweet smelling! I love love love that baby, it literally makes my heart hurt aaahhhh!!!

p.p.s. Adam thinks I am furiously typing my dissertation...

Molly

In honor of Molly turning one month old today, I thought I would briefly share my birth story. I was due on July 11th, however that date came and went with no action. When I went in for an appointment on July 12th, I was dilated to a 2 and effaced 80 percent. My doctor scheduled an inducement for the 15th, but she also said she thought I would go into labor before then. Nope.
On the 15th at 6pm I checked into the hospital for my inducement. I hadn't dilated any more so they gave me a pill to help me efface completely. The plan was to start petocin 4 hours later. That was at 7 and by 8 I started having very strong regular contractions about 3 minutes apart. After another hour they checked me again and I was at a 4 and ready to blow my brains out. At this point they ordered my epidural, and by the time it was administered (45 minutes later) I had dilated to a 7. Oh how I love epidurals! I have no desire to ever give birth naturally, and at some point I even told Adam I was going to bare my testimony about epidurals at church. My doctor broke my water at this point and I read magazines until a few hours later when I was dilated to a 10 and ready to push. I pushed for an hour and a half until all of a sudden little Molly came out. It was the best feeling in the world when she came out and they put her on my chest! She was so sweet with all her dark hair, I thought I was going to explode with love and relief!
Unfortunately she was soon showing signs of respiratory distress so they quickly whisked her off to the NICU. It turns out she had inhaled amniotic fluid on her way out and had a large amount of fluid in her right lung. They were able to dry out her lung with a C-pap machine and she was able to leave the hospital the next day. The birth experience was absolutely amazing, but her breathing issues were completely terrifying. I think I cried for 2 days straight, I was so emotional.
Molly's lungs are perfect now and she is a sweet and peaceful baby. Being a mother is so much harder than I ever thought, but I love having my beautiful girl. She is such a joy and we love her so much!

baby

Well, the crib is up, the stroller is assembled, all the clothes are washed and folded and I think I may be almost ready for this little cowgirl to get here. Tomorrow I am 38 weeks and will be facing a meager 2 weeks until B-day. When I started this pregnancy it seemed like it would last forever, and now it feels like its gone by way too fast. In fact, I secretly wish that she would just stay nice and tucked in her little home where she doesn't cry, get sick and spit-up. I am enjoying our little girls only club, where I am the only one who knows when she has the hiccups or when she is going crazy because I fed her licorice (it feels like she is playing soccer after a good dose of red vines). And sadly enough in addition to worrying about her general health, I already worry that she is growing up too fast.

For you, wendy:)

New Embarrassing Moment

Last night I went to Target to look for a couple of nursing bras. Unfortunately while trying the bras on, the door lock to my room proved faulty. This wouldn't have been a giant problem except my back was to the door and I didn't notice it had swung wide open. I had also chosen the first stall in the dressing rooms so it was situated right by the entrance and visible to all the shoppers in the store. As I turned around, fully exposed, I was able to see that I had been putting on quite the show for all of Target...

annoyed

I have a new pregnancy pet peeve. It has nothing to do with heart burn or swollen ankles, I am starting to get a little annoyed by people publicly congratulating themselves on deciding to forego pain medication and give birth naturally. They brag about all the benefits and how their babies will be more alert, latch on better, stronger, basically possess super human traits, and in every way start out life already totally kicking other babies' cute little bums. For some, their pride at taking on natural childbirth makes them feel like they are somehow better than those of us weaklings who are realistic about their pain thresholds and want to rely on modern medicine to help the birthing process. I have no problem with people who actually have given birth naturally or plan to, kudos to them in fact, however I don't think this empowers people to be so condescending about others' birth choices. Millions of babies have been born with epidurals and somehow manage to embrace life just fine. So for me, bring on the meds, I prefer to give birth without begging people to kill me and put me out of my misery. Maybe someday I will feel differently, however for now I strongly stand beside my decision to be a wimp.

dissertation

Things I would rather be doing than writing my dissertation:

1) Watching basketball because WHO DOESN'T LOVE MARCH MADNESS!!!!!?????? I LOVE it! I don't watch basketball throughout the year, but somehow when march comes around, I am obsessed! The games are most always nail-biters, I have personal stock in every game because I want to have bracket success, and 2 words: cinderella story! Also college basketball really highlights the pep band. You gotta love the ubiquitous trumpet player in the pep band who is blowing his guts out during "The Final Countdown" and "Eye of the Tiger". You can practically see his lips coming out of the bell, and his tomato red face about to explode on the forced high notes. The only sporting event better than NCAA's is of course the blessed olympics.

2)Watching the olympics. The olympics is the closest we will ever get to world peace in my opinion.

3)Playing outside in the sun, we have planted our garden and I want to go out and tend it with my spade.

4)Anything, because I hate my degree!

Here goes nothing...

So they say a picture is worth a thousand words and since for some reason its embarrassing for me to say it out loud, here you go...




I don't know if you can see, but this is baby's profile, you can see its little nose and upper lip:)

Here are some facts about baby:

*He/She is due 7/11/10 which I like because for some reason I love July and slurpees from 711

*I have been very morning sick and dying to complain via blog, but have restrained. I think it is mean and ironic that you aren't supposed to tell anyone you are pregnant in the 1st trimester and yet that is when you would really like some sympathy. I finally told my students at BYUI because I wanted them to know why I looked pale with a greenish hue and was porking down bagels and cream cheese during their lessons.

*It has a brain. My uncle told me about a baby that was born without a brain and of course I have been fixated on that possibility until I saw its little brain on the ultrasound

*I have had, and continue to have, severe anxiety about baby's health. Right now I am worried that baby's legs are fused together because at the ultrasound it wouldn't uncross its legs to show us the gender. In fact I secretly think I am jinxing baby's health by announcing its existence to the blog world. I am out of control.

*I felt baby's first kick the other day. I was introducing it to John Mayer on the radio and after listening for a bit baby bumped me to let me know he/she would like me to buy some concert tickets for us.

Question for the void

Since I am now a woman of leisure, I have become increasingly more curious about the tasks of other housewives/homemakers, specifically food shopping. I've always been too busy working to really try and stick within a food budget, use coupons, or drive to cheaper supermarkets, but now I find myself fascinated with the prospect of trying to spend as little as possible on food. Its kind of like my own personal game show where I'm given $25 dollars and I need to purchase a weeks worth of food without going over. Sometimes I am victorious, but most of the time I go a little over.
I went to the grocer's today and spent way more than I intended because in my zealousness to save money I've basically had to sacrifice fruits and vegetables. I realized we were in trouble when after church yesterday Adam and I found ourselves wolfing down a vegetable tray that was left over from an RS activity. We finally pulled ourselves away, however when I got caught up talking to someone, Adam wandered off and I found him again at the vegetable tray scarfing all the carrots. It was then that I knew my food games had gone too far. So today I spent a small fortune on groceries and I feel like a total homemaking failure. Is food really more expensive than I think, or am I just a really bad shopper? My question for all of you is, how much should I expect to spend on food each month realistically? I need a pace car, a reality check, a guiding voice of reason, a candle on the water...

Postmark: Garage

Dear Pile of Boxes in the Garage-
If you have time left over after your busy schedule of gathering dust, attracting mice and ants, and making it impossible for me to reach the freezer could you please unearth the following things and place them nicely on the garage steps:
1) Mrs. Butterworth's syrup, as I painstakingly made buttermilk pancakes from scratch this morning only to find that the syrup is still packed somewhere in you.
2) Krusteaz pancake mix, so I never have to make pancakes from scratch again.
3) The 3 Netflix movies that I received before our move and never watched.
4) My contact lenses, as I have broken my glasses and they are now held together attractively by super glue.
5) My will to get out of bed in the morning now that I don't have a job.
6) A magical diploma that says that somehow I finished my stupid doctorate during my sleep and that I will never have to think about it again.
That is all.
Respectively yours,
Lazy Girl with Glued Glasses